Whatās the most sweary song you know? Eminem? Rage Against the Machine? Limp Bizkit?
I now know the answer to this because, over Christmas, I had to play these songs down the phone to an Amazon call centre agent. And it taught me a lot about taking ownership of the customer experience.
Letās rewind a bit to that dreaded moment when my oldest son said āDad, for Christmas, can I get an Alexa? All the other kids have one!ā. I was ready with my list of reasons why this wasnāt going to happen when son number two chipped in with āyeah, we want an Alexa! Alexa! Alexa! Alexa!ā
I could see this wasnāt going to end as Iād hoped. So, we wrote to Santa and asked him to research the best Alexa for kids. Santa replied in the form of a link to an Amazon page, and an Amazon Kids Echo Dot.
The product is sold on parental control ā āParents Dashboard! Bad language filtering! Usage timers!ā- and access to the Amazon Kids+ service: Stories, Games, Music, and more. It had good reviews and a Black Friday price, so Santa sent one on the way.
Fast forward to Boxing Day, where itās out of the box and ready to go.
āOk boys, itās all ready!ā
āThanks Daddy! Alexa, play the Arctic Monkeys!ā
(Several seconds into the song)
šµThe band were f*cking w*nk and I'm not having a nice timešµ
Delighted shock ensued.
āDad! It saidā¦ā
āI KNOW WHAT IT SAIDā
āBut why is it being so rude!ā
āI donāt know! It shouldnāt be!ā
Hence how I ended up in fits of laughter on the phone with a bloke from Amazon, as he repeatedly asked me to play a song full of swear words so we could see if the profanity filter was working. Reader, it wasnāt. And reader, Limp Bizkitās āHot Dogā has āforty-six āf*ckās in this f*cked up rhymeā.
The more interesting thing ā professionally, at least ā is how this issue was - or wasnāt - resolved.
āAh, Iām sorry, youāre playing music through Apple Music, so you have to speak to them, not usā
āBut itās your device? And you said it would stop swear words?ā
āYeah, only if theyāre played from Amazon Music. Would you like me to sign you up for a subscription?ā
Cue a conversation with Apple, and a similar āitās them, not usā response.
Lack of ownership is, I think, the biggest problem customers face at the moment. Problems passed from person to person, department to department. And now, with platform providers a major part of our lives, company to company.
Iāve had friends tell me about a Deliveroo order that was missing the rice, which Deliveroo blamed on the restaurant, and then refused to take the order back, leaving it in a bag outside their house.
Iāve heard tales of someone buying a pack of specialist sausages for Oktoberfest, which were ādeliveredā by being thrown over the gate, left to the mercy of the local hungry fox. The shop blamed the delivery company, but surely, they chose them in the first place?
And thatās before we get to social media, with Facebook and Twitterās role in the gradual destruction of democracy (or the enhancement of it, depending on your view), throwing their hands up in the air with the āweāre just a platform, weāre not responsible for the contentā defence.
(I should point out, in fairness, that this isnāt a new thing. I remember working in one of the HSBC branches and sending a customer back-and-forth to my friend who worked for Halifax down the road, to try and sort out a payment heād made between the two. My friend, equally thinking it was our fault, repeatedly sent him back. āYou go and tell Gareth that John saidā¦ā)
But all is not lost. There are sparks of hope. After my last article, about the struggles I had with my new electric car, the team at VW (who I hadnāt named) got in touch. They asked to understand the problems Iād been having with my charger and the response Iād had from Ohme, the charger manufacturer. Even though it was Ohmeās issue, they offered to take it on, and get one of their team to look into it, working with Ohme on the issue. This wasnāt just to help my experience. It was, as they said, āso we can stop other customers having the same problems in futureā.
Thank f*ck for that.